Heartfelt Healing: Amanda's Grief Blog

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Heartfelt Healing: Amanda's Grief Blog

Welcome to the inside of my brain.

I've decided to share my raw and emotional journey through the depths of grief with the world. Why? Because navigating grief is awful, and in my experience, healing comes from sharing heartfelt stories, connecting with other people who understand, and from having grief acknowledged and witnessed by others.

If you are reading this and you have lost someone close to you, I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you comfort amid the discomfort.

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Showing posts from April, 2026

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Layered Grief - I miss you, Auntie Debbie

on April 10, 2026

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Popular Posts

"Put Your Mask On First" - The Analogy of Self-Compassion

When we fly, one of the first things we hear is the safety instruction to “put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.” It’s pretty straightforward - keep yourself breathing so you're actually able to help someone else. But the meaning goes deeper than just in-flight safety. I think it's a pretty powerful analogy for self-care and self-compassion in everyday life, especially when we're grieving. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about self-compassion. I realized that knowing what "putting your mask on first" actually means can be tricky because it's not always natural to notice when we need compassion. Showing kindness to others feels easy compared to being kind to ourselves. I recently read "The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion" by Christopher Germer, and right on the first page, he asks, “Why is it so hard to extend the same kindness to ourselves that many of us gladly offer to others?” Great question, right? He follows up by saying, ...

Caught Off Guard

There are moments in grief when I don't know how to navigate the conversation - especially when someone who doesn't know my mom has passed suddenly brings her up. It catches me off guard every time. Tonight was one of those moments. I went for a pedicure with my best friend. The salon was small - in the whole place, it was just the two of us, the lady doing our pedicures, and another woman who had just received her pedicure but stuck around to chat. The other woman mentioned that her daughter was being induced and she'd become a grandmother any day now. Naturally, I shared that I'm pregnant too, and the conversation took off from there. Then came the innocent question, because it was something she had been thinking about for herself a lot, "so what is your mom going to be called? Grandma, Nana, Nanny?" Pause. In the span of two seconds, my brain spun out. Do I tell her my mom died, but she went by Gramma? Do I spare her the awkwardness and change t...

Dear Amanda, Love Mom

A year ago, approaching the anniversary of my Mom's passing, I found myself struggling with a recurring dream. In the dream, Mom would lovingly snuggle my brother and me on the couch and say “OK, here’s everything you need to know about life without me…” And then the dream would end and I’d wake up in a jolt. I was upset and desperate for answers... there was so much left unknown. The brief period between my mom's diagnosis and her passing meant we never broached the topic of her potential death, and I was so unsure of what she might have said to me, if she had known. The dream persisted for weeks, even months, prompting me to bring it up in counselling. When my counsellor asked what I believed my mom would say to me in that moment (at this point, it was around 1 year after her passing), I found myself at a loss for words. However, later that week, I fixed myself a bubble bath, grabbed a pen and paper, and I started writing. I embraced all of what I knew about my mom and what s...

If I Could Hitch a Ride On a Time Machine 🎵

"If I could hitch a ride on a time machine, I would bring you right back here with me, And I wouldn't have to watch you disappear. Even though I said all the things that mattered most, While I held on tight to the end of the rope, I could keep you close but I couldn't keep you here. A lot can happen in a year." 🎵 -Three Six Five, Shinedown 🎵

The Meaning of a Birthday

What's the meaning of a birthday, for you? I've asked myself that question a lot in the past few years. Today's my 33rd birthday - and like many things in the years since my mom died, birthdays have taken on a different shape. This is the fourth one I'm celebrating without the woman who gave birth to me. The woman who celebrated my existence with her whole heart... the woman who made me feel loved and cherished on my birthday (and on every other day, too.) It used to be a day that felt like mine. Cake, candles, messages, and fun plans. But now, I can't think about my birthday without thinking about Mom. I wonder about what going into labour with me was like. And then the anticipation, the effort, and the love. I wonder what she felt when she met me for the very first time and what it felt like becoming my mom. I imagine how meaningful that day must have been for her - the 29th of May wasn't just about ME, it was a day that changed HER life too. Maybe that’s wha...

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