"Put Your Mask On First" - The Analogy of Self-Compassion

When we fly, one of the first things we hear is the safety instruction to “put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.” It’s pretty straightforward - keep yourself breathing so you're actually able to help someone else. But the meaning goes deeper than just in-flight safety. I think it's a pretty powerful analogy for self-care and self-compassion in everyday life, especially when we're grieving. 

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about self-compassion. I realized that knowing what "putting your mask on first" actually means can be tricky because it's not always natural to notice when we need compassion. Showing kindness to others feels easy compared to being kind to ourselves.

I recently read "The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion" by Christopher Germer, and right on the first page, he asks, “Why is it so hard to extend the same kindness to ourselves that many of us gladly offer to others?” Great question, right? He follows up by saying, "Compassion and loving kindness are skills - we can develop and strengthen them." I actually felt a bit of relief reading that... it's comforting to think of self-compassion as something we can practice.

Dr. Germer mentions the oxygen mask analogy in the book, which got me thinking about what "putting my mask on first" looks like in my life. It even came in up counselling, where I realized that going to counselling is me putting on my mask. I'm an external processor, and I need a safe space to work through my thoughts - something my mom used to give me. Accepting that I need this space and allowing myself to seek it out without shame is, in itself, an act of self-compassion.

The funny thing? Right after reading that part of the book and talking about it in counselling, I found myself on a plane twice this past week. When they went through the safety demo, I caught myself smiling - there it was, the oxygen mask reminder, as if the universe was reminding me to take it to heart. 

Self-compassion takes practice, just like learning anything new. I think "putting on my mask" isn't just one big thing, it's a series of small choices that I will have to continue to make to remind myself that I'm worth the care I so willingly give to others.

 

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