I Want Someone to Randomly Say, "Your mom used to..."

Yesterday marked 4.5 years since my mom died.

Yesterday, I also got my hair cut.

My hairdresser has been cutting my hair since I was three years old. She cut my mom’s hair. She cuts my dad’s hair. She cuts my mom’s best friend’s hair and her husband’s. She cuts my best friend’s hair. She cuts my sister-in-law’s hair. She’s basically enmeshed in my family at this point.

She’s also a bit of a drive for me now that I've moved to another city, but I keep going back because she’s a great hairdresser, she’s a family friend, and, maybe most importantly right now, we always talk about my mom.

Every time I go, my mom comes up. We talk about her. We tell stories. We remember things. We laugh about her. There’s no awkwardness around saying her name. She’s just… there.

And I left my appointment yesterday thinking about how nice that felt.

Then I started wondering: why does that happen so rarely now?

Why, 4.5 years later, does nobody really talk to me about my mom anymore?

Have people forgotten her?

Do they think it will make me sad?

Do they think it’s awkward?

Do they assume I don’t want to talk about her?

Because I do. And I always will.

I don’t need everyone to tiptoe around my grief. I don’t need people to change the subject when she comes up. I don’t need her to become some quiet part of my past that everyone is afraid to touch.

I want to hear stories about her. I want someone to randomly say, “Your mom used to…” I want to hear her name.

I want someone to tell me they thought about her when they saw something she would have loved. I want to laugh about something she did. I want to remember the little things that I might have forgotten.

Because I haven’t forgotten her.

So if you knew my mom, please talk to me about her.

Tell me a story.

Tell me something you remember.

Say her name.

I promise, I want to hear it.