3 years. 1096 days. 45,744 hours. 2,744,640 minutes. That's how long my heart has been beating since Mom's stopped. Some days the pain still feels as raw as it did the day she died, other days have been easier.
Each year, on the anniversary of Mom's death, I've written a bit of a tribute to Mom - the things I've learned since Mom passed away, the things I'd do if I had one more day with Mom, and this year, in the spirit of my current pregnancy, I'd like to share 12 things Mom taught me about being a Mom.
1. Say yes when you can. Mom was a ‘yes mom.’ She always encouraged me to explore, have fun, and embrace new challenges. Even when I knew Mom would prefer to do something else, she said yes when she could. I learned that saying yes, even in small ways, makes a child feel important, deeply heard, and loved.
2. Be patient, even when it’s hard. Mom had an incredible ability to stay calm in tough moments. Whether I was struggling with recovery from surgery, dealing with frustration from friends, school, or work, or I was just being difficult, Mom rarely ever lost her cool. She taught me that patience is showing up with kindness and understanding, even when tested.
3. Show up for others, always. My mom was the most selfless person I knew. She didn’t just pretend to care, she did. She always showed up for her family and friends, and it’s something I’ve always admired. Mom taught me that being a great mom isn’t just about loving your own child, but also modelling what it’s like to be a kind and compassionate human being to others.
4. Say "I love you" often, and mean it. Even when I rolled my eyes as a teenager, Mom never stopped telling me she loved me. She made sure I never had to wonder if I was loved - I knew it. That’s a lesson I want to carry forward: to say “I love you” freely, and never let a day go by without it being known.
5. Be your child’s biggest cheerleader. Mom believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself. When I felt like giving up, she reminded me of my strengths. Her encouragement shaped my confidence, and I hope to do the same one day for my own child - reminding them over and over that they are capable of anything.
6. Trust your gut. Mom didn’t have a parenting manual, or even the best model for parents herself, but she had her instincts, and she followed them. She taught me that being a good mom doesn’t have to mean having all the answers, it means listening to that inner voice, the one that knows best, even when doubt creeps in. Mom always reminded me that I’m smart and have good instincts, and that I can trust my gut, too.
7. Practice gratitude, even when times are tough. Mom always found something to be grateful for. She reminded me, even in difficult moments, to look for the good. I hope to teach my child the same - to find light even in the darkest days.
8. Be resilient, but don’t be afraid to feel. Life wasn’t always easy, but Mom always carried herself with strength. She taught me that resilience doesn’t mean ignoring the pain - it means talking about my emotions, feeling them, and processing them, and choosing to keep going despite the hard things.
9. Create and cherish family traditions. Mom made holidays, birthdays, and even regular weekends special. She knew that traditions build connection, and I want to pass that gift on. I hope to create traditions that my child will look back on with the same warmth I feel when I think about the memories of our traditions.
10. Live by your values. Mom had a clear sense of right and wrong, and she passed that on to me. She taught me that having values isn’t about being perfect - but trying your best and making choices that align with what matters most. I hope my child grows up with that same foundation.
11. Forgive and let go of what doesn’t serve you. Mom never let grudges weigh her down. She apologized when she needed to and forgave when it was right. She taught me that forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to excuse the hurt, it just means freeing yourself from carrying the hurt forever.
12. Love unconditionally. Mom's love wasn’t something I had to earn. Through every mistake, every triumph, and every struggle, she loved me the same - fiercely. Mom made me feel that love in every hug, every word, and in every silent moment we shared. That love is the most precious gift she ever gave to me, and it's the kind of love I want to give my child - the kind they never question and always feel, even when words are unspoken.
There truly aren’t words that could articulate how badly I wish my mom was here to reiterate these lessons over and over to me as I journey into motherhood myself, or to teach me the other 1,000,000 things that made her the amazing mom that she was. But I’m incredibly grateful to have a mom that has taught and modelled such valuable lessons that I get to carry with me forever. These lessons, along with so many others, have shaped who I am, and now, as I prepare to become a mom myself, I know I will carry them forward. Her love, strength, and guidance live on in me, and I can only hope to be even half the mom to my child that she was to me.
Here are my past year's reflections:
March 22, 2022: The day Mom passed away
March 22, 2023: 12 things I've learned since Mom passed away
March 22, 2024: 12 things I'd do if I had just one more day...
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