The Meaning of a Birthday

What's the meaning of a birthday, for you? 

I've asked myself that question a lot in the past few years. Today's my 33rd birthday - and like many things in the years since my mom died, birthdays have taken on a different shape. This is the fourth one I'm celebrating without the woman who gave birth to me. The woman who celebrated my existence with her whole heart... the woman who made me feel loved and cherished on my birthday (and on every other day, too.)

It used to be a day that felt like mine. Cake, candles, messages, and fun plans. But now, I can't think about my birthday without thinking about Mom. I wonder about what going into labour with me was like. And then the anticipation, the effort, and the love. I wonder what she felt when she met me for the very first time and what it felt like becoming my mom. I imagine how meaningful that day must have been for her - the 29th of May wasn't just about ME, it was a day that changed HER life too.

Maybe that’s what’s shifted? Birthdays used to be about me — about growing older, being celebrated, and about feeling seen. But now, they feel less like milestones and more like mirrors that reflect the people who’ve shaped me and the person I’m becoming.

And now, as I eagerly anticipate the birth of my own daughter, the meaning of a birthday feels deeper than it's ever felt before. I haven't met her yet, but I already know her birthday will be one of the most important days of my life. It'll be the day I become a mother, and it will be a day that is both of ours - forever.

Today's a day of mixed emotions — the ache of missing my mom, the excitement of soon becoming one myself, and a deep appreciation for the journey that’s brought me here.

And maybe that’s the meaning of a birthday after all — not just being celebrated, but to celebrate those who loved us first, and to prepare our hearts to love the next generation just as deeply.