Yesterday was my baby shower. And today, I'm still reeling (in the best kind of way). My heart feels so, so full. There was laughter, hugs, beauty, and little details that made me feel so known, so celebrated, and so loved.
But I woke up yesterday morning and cried.
I cried for my mom. I cried because I wished she was coming, carrying her calm and assertive planning mode, with her familiar positive spirit and energy. I wished she was the one planning it, the way she had dreamed of for years. She would have loved every minute of it, and she would have done an amazing job.
And then I dried my tears, got dressed, and walked into something that was so special because my closest friends made it so. Truly, not one detail was missed. From the food, the games, the decor, and the unexpected personal touches... it was so magical. And it was so me.
One moment that especially took my breath away: one of my friends created a beautiful side-by-side picture frame. On one side, a photo of me and my mom when I was a baby. On the other, "Lessons from Mom" - words she pulled straight from this blog. And next to it, she lit a candle, quietly and lovingly making space for my mom to be part of the day. I shed a happy tear in that moment.
That moment (and the whole day) reminded me how deeply loved I am.
There were 47 guests who RSVP'd yes - most of whom don't share my last name, any of my DNA, or a family tree… but they showed up. For me. They showed up to shower me with gifts and hugs and presence and love.
My mom would be so proud. Proud of the person I've become, and of the people I've surrounded myself with. So proud that even though my blood family is small, my chosen family is abundant.
My mom taught me how to love people well. And my people? They love me so, so well.
As I prepare to become a Mom myself, I'll always wish my mom was here to be part of this chapter of my life. But... I'm also grateful for the village I've built: the people who will help love and support my baby, and who reflect the kind of love my mom taught me to give.
My grief and joy sat side by side yesterday. Neither cancelled each other out. Both just existed… because that's what this season is like. Missing her, loving what is, and letting both be true at the same time.
❤️
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