Words I Resonate So Deeply With

I read this post on Facebook by a woman named Sasha Gautreaux, and I felt pulled to directly copy and paste it here because of how strongly her words resonate with me. Thanks for speaking my truth, Sasha.

"Losing a parent before becoming a parent is so unfair.
Because now I finally get it.
The worry. The sacrifice. The kind of love that never shuts off.
And I can't even tell them, "I understand now."

They'll never see me as a parent.
They'll never meet the little humans who made me softer and stronger all at once.
They'll never see the parts of them that live in my kids: their smile, their eyes, their fire.

I wish I could call and ask,
"Was I like this?"
"Did I ever sleep?"
"Did you ever feel like you were failing too?"

But the line stays quiet.
And somehow, I parent with their voice still echoing in my head.

It's a different kind of grief. 
The kind that shows up when your baby hits a milestone, when you crave advice only they could give, when you realize the circle didn't get to close the way it should have.

So I tell stories.
I show pictures.
I keep their memory alive in every bedtime whisper and family photo.

Because they may not be here to see me as a parent.
But everything I am as one was shaped by how they loved me first."

-Sasha Gautreaux

P.S.  If my words resonate with you, I'd love for you to follow along. You can subscribe to my blog from the home page.