The Grieving Extrovert

I listened to a podcast recently about "extroverts and grief," which sparked me to reflect on how my personality influences my grief journey. As a disclaimer, the podcast emphasized that it is neither better nor worse to be an introvert or an extrovert - each has its perks and challenges in the grieving process. On the spectrum of introversion and extroversion, I lean heavily to extroversion; I am an outgoing, openly expressive individual who feels energized by the external world and social interactions.

My (introverted) husband and I stayed at my parents' house with my (extroverted) dad for 6 weeks after Mom died. The first week or two involved a lot of people. We received many phone calls, text messages, cards, and visits from our closest friends and family, all offering their condolences. We welcomed people dropping off food and staying for visits. Close family friends came by to assist with tasks like selecting flowers and preparing picture boards. We held a visitation where hundreds of people stopped by to offer their condolences, followed by a 'party' with our closest friends and family to celebrate Mom's life. While I imagine this level of social interaction would have been exhausting for an introvert, for me, being surrounded by people was not just comforting - it was necessary to survive the initial shock and sadness.

I played hockey the night Mom died, returned to work a week later, and resumed refereeing hockey within 2 weeks. While some may have assumed I was fine because I participated in these things, I wasn't fine. The truth was, I needed the presence of others.

As time passed, the intensity of support began to fade. The calls and visits became less frequent, and the house was quiet and incredibly lonely. As an extrovert, I typically take the lead in initiating conversations and gatherings in my relationships. However, grief hit me so hard that initiating these interactions with friends and family became challenging, which led me to feel worse. As an external processor, I felt a strong desire to talk about my emotions and about Mom, but I also understand that supporting a grieving person can be incredibly difficult. I get that it often feels like walking on eggshells, carefully trying to avoid saying the wrong thing. Thankfully, I was able to identify that I needed support, and it's not a surprise that finding a support group, doing grief counselling, and blogging about my experience are things that I've found helpful. They all involved other people, and helped me find ways to connect, network, and share experiences.

Eleanor and Litsa concluded their podcast with advice on how to support a grieving extrovert: reach out, check in, and ask how they would like to be supported. This advice resonated deeply with me, and I am grateful for those who supported me in this way. Moving forward, I plan to take this approach to support my grieving loved ones.

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