It's Not the Same

Grief is a strange thing. Even when you’re surrounded by people who love you, who try their best to support you - it can still feel lonely. 

Other people get me, but nobody gets me the way Mom did. Mom just had this way about her. I could talk in circles, going over the same thought five different ways until I finally figured out what I needed to say, and she wouldn’t rush me or lose her patience. She’d just listen, letting me ramble until I got there on my own. It wasn’t about solving the problem; it was about her being there while I worked it out.

And when I cried? She always understood exactly what kind of tears they were. Whether it was frustration, sadness, or pure rage, she never made me feel like I was too much. She let me cry when I needed to, even if it didn’t make sense to anyone else. She didn’t try to fix me - she just sat with me in whatever emotion I was feeling.

I have so many incredible people in my life - my husband, friends, family - who love me and who do get me in so many ways. I feel that love deeply, and I’m so grateful for it. But it’s just... different.

There’s something about the way a mother knows her child. Mom didn’t need me to explain myself; she just knew. She knew what I needed without me having to ask. She could sense the things I wasn’t saying. With her, I never had to worry about being misunderstood or judged.

The hardest part is that nobody else can fill that space. It’s not because they don’t try or because they don’t love me - it’s because that space belongs to her, and it always will.

I think that’s what I grieve the most... having lost that feeling of being completely known and understood without even trying.

I know how lucky I am to have people who care about me. I know how much they want to help, and I love them for that. But sometimes, I just wish I could call her, sit down with her, and know that she’ll see through all the noise and help me find my way.

Mom, if you’re listening, I hope you know how much I miss you. I hope you know how often I think about the way you just got me, the way you made me feel safe to be exactly who I am, no matter how messy or complicated that was.

Nobody gets me like you did, and nobody ever will.

This picture... doesn't it just look like Mom's seeing into my soul? That's how I feel like Mom was able to see and know me.

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