Grief is wildly complicated. Sometimes, it’s absolutely unbearable. It’s isolating, exhausting, different for everyone, and incredibly hard to articulate. The waves of pain and suffering can feel endless.
But grief (and a lot of grief therapy) has taught me things I don’t think I would have learned otherwise - things that, in a way, have changed me at my core. Losing my mom at 29 reshaped the way I see life, love, and resilience.
Here's what I've learned:
1. Life is hard. Really hard.
It’s impossible to control everything, and I think the more you try, the more it hurts when life inevitably throws curve balls. Before losing Mom, I think I subconsciously believed that if I worked hard enough, loved deeply enough, and planned enough, things would work out. But death and the grief that followed shattered that illusion. Hard things happen whether we’re ready or not.
Learning to sit with that truth has been painful, but also helpful. Now, I focus on what is within my control: how I take care of myself when life gets hard and how to keep moving forward while honouring all my emotions.
2. I’m stronger than I ever thought I was.
Before Mom died, I thought strength meant holding everything together and not breaking. But now I know real strength isn’t about never falling apart... it’s about trusting that I can put myself back together when I do. It’s about knowing that even when grief sneaks up on me, I will survive it.
3. How to hold space for people who are grieving.
Before losing Mom, I didn’t fully understand grief. I’ve always been empathetic, but I didn’t get it. I do now.
I know that everyone’s grief is different because every relationship is different, but Mom's death has given me a deeper sensitivity to other people’s losses - whether through death or other kinds of grief. I’ve learned that the best thing you can do for someone who is grieving is to simply show up. To listen. To acknowledge their pain without trying to fix it.
Grief isn’t something you “get over.” It’s something you carry. And when I was drowning in it, I didn’t need someone to help me fix it, I just needed someone to sit beside me in the dark. So that’s what I try to do for others now.
Losing my mom changed me in ways I never could have imagined. It taught me that life is unpredictable, that I’m stronger than I ever knew, and that showing up for others in their grief is one of the most meaningful things we can do. These are lessons I never wanted to learn, but they’re part of me now.
Grief is heavy, but I’ve learned that I can carry it. Some days, it’s unbearable. Other days, it’s just there. But through it all, I keep going because life can be hard, but it can also be amazing.
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