My Steady Ground in Grief: A Letter to My Therapist

After my mom died, I felt like I was drowning in an ocean - there was no clear path forward and no solid ground to stand on. But in the midst of it all, I found something steady: therapy. More specifically, I found Charmaine, my therapist for the past 2.5 years (and counting).

For a long time, everything felt really, really heavy. Grief had a way of making even the simplest things feel impossible. I distinctly remember feeling absolutely useless at work - a place where I normally felt like I thrived. I also remember truly believing that I would never be able to respond with the word “good” to the simple question of “how are you?” ever again. But therapy became the one place where I didn’t have to pretend I was okay. I could and can show up exactly as I am, no matter how broken I feel. 

Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt coined the term “companioning” in grief therapy and it's rooted in the idea of offering presence rather than taking away pain. It’s about offering gentle support as the person navigates the pain in their own time and their own way. It means sitting with someone in their sorrow without trying to change it, fix it, or fill the silence.

That’s exactly what Charmaine did and does for me. She never offers tidy answers or steps to “move on.” She doesn’t try to reframe my pain into something more comfortable. She honours it. She lets it be what it is, and in doing so, she gives me permission to honour it too.

Charmaine is a compassionate presence for me; a companion who offers warmth, curiosity, and steady support. She reinforces that there's no right or wrong way to grieve, and that I’m not broken, I’m human.

After my mom died, I had to grieve the loss of Mom, and I was grieving the loss of the trust I had always placed in her. She was the person I leaned on for reassurance, for advice, and for making sense of things when I couldn’t. Without her, I felt so lost, like I didn’t know how to navigate life on my own. There were so many days and moments where I found myself not sure what to do or longing to call my Mom to talk something through. I found myself bringing those moments into therapy, where Charmaine helped me sit with the ache of her absence, gave me space to process my thoughts, and constantly reminded me to trust myself.

Some days I cried the whole session. Some days, I laughed at the absurdity of it all - grief, life, loss - and other times, it felt like I might never be okay again…  No matter what version of myself shows up to therapy, Charmaine holds space for all of it. She never minimizes my feelings or tries to make them more palatable. She reminds me that every reaction is valid, that grief is unpredictable, and that life is hard but I can do hard things. 

For a long time, I clung to therapy like a life raft - it was the only place where I felt safe enough to fully unravel. But as time has passed, and as I’ve done the hard work of healing, I feel like Charmaine’s role in my life has shifted. I no longer feel like I’m grasping for something to keep me afloat in the ocean. Instead, therapy has become a space of reflection, growth, and deeper understanding.

One of the most powerful things Charmaine taught me (and reminds me of often) is that grief isn’t something that shrinks over time; instead, we grow around it.

Grief still shows up for me (often), and when it does, I know I have a place to process it if I need it. But Charmaine is no longer my steady ground because I have built my own - with her support. My steady ground looks like knowing I can sit with my emotions without fear. It means trusting that I’ll come out the other side even when it’s hard, and recognizing that I carry my mom with me in who I’ve become. Charmaine is still a trusted presence and a steady part of my support system, but I don’t feel like she’s what is holding me up anymore… she’s walking beside me.

And that, I think, is one of the biggest markers of my healing - not the absence of grief, but the ability to carry it with strength, with support, and with the confidence that I can stand on my own, even when the heavy waves of grief try to carry me away or pull me under.

Thank you, Charmaine…

For being a steady presence when everything else felt like it was crumbling.

For listening without judgment, for sitting with my pain instead of trying to erase it.

For reminding me - over and over again - that I’m not broken, just human.

For helping me find my own voice again, even when it was buried under layers of sorrow.

For teaching me that trusting myself isn’t just possible - it’s essential.

And most of all, for walking beside me through my darkest moments and into the light of something new.

***For anyone who has considered going to therapy for their grief, I highly recommend it (clearly!) I hope everyone who experiences a similar depth of pain from the grief of losing a loved one can also, one day, feel this similar feeling of strength from healing - the strength I’m so grateful to have gained with the support of Charmaine.