Everything doesn’t happen for a reason. I used to think it did... But then my amazing mom got cancer and died quickly and shockingly at the age of 57. Cancer doesn't care where you live, what you do, or who you are. It doesn't care if you have a wonderful family who loves you, or if you have so much more life left to live. There's no reason for cancer.
Losing my mom has changed me. It's made me more compassionate and more empathetic towards others who are facing their own grief battles. But finding meaning in Mom’s death doesn't mean it was meant to happen. I also don't subscribe to the notion that my mom is in a better place, or that she was taken for divine purpose.
Some things in life just suck and there's no sugarcoating it. My mom getting cancer and dying was one of those things. And as much as I wish I could find comfort in the idea that it was all part of some grand plan, I've come to realize that sometimes life is just painfully random.
My counsellor shared this quote with me a long time ago, and it feels relevant to share here:
"Life is amazing. And then it's awful. And then it's amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful, it's ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That's just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it's breathtakingly beautiful." ~ LR Knost
Mom dying was awful. There wasn't a reason for it. It's not the first awful thing that's happened to me, and there are definitely going to be more awful things that continue to happen. So here I am, holding on through the awful, embracing the ordinary, and appreciating the amazing throughout this thing called life.
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