*SPOILER ALERT* If you haven’t seen the movie Inside Out, please watch it before you read this blog post because A) it’s a fantastic animated movie and B) this blog post contains lots of spoilers.
With the recent release of Inside Out 2, I felt inspired to re-watch the original Inside Out. Watching it again, I was reminded of how beautifully it captures the big themes in grief.
Inside Out centers around Riley, an 11-year old, hockey lover born and raised in Minnesota. However, the story is uniquely told from the perspective of Riley’s emotions who are personified as Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust. The plot kicks off when Riley’s life is upended by her family's move to San Francisco, sending her emotions into turmoil.
There are countless valuable messages in the movie, but I want to focus on the ones that resonate with me and my grief journey:
1. Sadness Needs to Be Validated
In Inside Out, there is a very memorable scene where Riley’s imaginary friend, Bing Bong, loses his “rocket” (a wagon). Joy tries to cheer him up by tickling him, by giving him reassurances that it'll get better if they just keep going, and by making silly faces. Despite her well-intentions, none of Joy’s efforts work to cheer Bing Bong up. Then Sadness steps in, sits next to Bing Bong, and validates his loss. She says, “I’m sorry they took your rocket. They took something you loved. It’s gone. Forever.” Sadness acknowledged Bing Bong's feelings, which allowed him to reminisce and have a good cry. After his cry, he said "I'm okay now, we can keep moving."
Loved ones often try to minimize the sadness of people who are grieving, hoping to cheer them up or avoid making them more upset. But what grieving people need is someone to acknowledge their pain, and give them an opportunity to share memories. Once sadness is recognized and validated, it becomes easier to "keep moving forward".
2. Sadness is an Important Emotion
About half way through the movie, Joy is feeling defeated as she looks at Riley's memories, wishing she could make Riley happy. In that moment, Riley’s memories light up, and Joy realizes that it’s actually Sadness that signals to Riley’s parents and her hockey teammates that she needs help. Joy comes to understand that Riley sometimes is able to experience joy again because of Sadness.
In grief, sadness or crying can help signal to others that we need help. Crying also releases endorphins, which promote healing. I think sadness also helps us value happiness. If we never experienced sadness, would we be able to fully experience the depth of happiness?
3. Sadness and Happiness Can Coexist
Inside Out focuses a lot on how emotions impact Riley’s memories. At the beginning of the movie, Sadness touches one of Riley’s “core memories,” and turns it blue. Joy’s main task becomes keeping Sadness away from Riley’s memories. However, by the end of the movie, Joy and Sadness work together, showing that Riley’s memories can be both happy and sad. Riley’s memories of Minnesota can be happy because they are wonderful memories, but they're also sad because she misses her old life.
In grief, it's valuable to realize that multiple emotions can co-exist. Many of my memories of Mom invoke both sadness and happiness. Happiness because they are good memories, and sadness because Mom died and is no longer here, and we can't make any new memories. I think this idea expands beyond memories to all kinds of experiences. We can feel multiple emotions at the same time, and it is okay.
I hope you get a chance to watch Inside Out if you haven’t already, and while you’re at it, watch Inside Out 2, too! It’s pretty rare when a sequel is as good as the first, and Pixar has done it! Great job, Pixar!
P.S. The picture below is from when Joy (on the right) and Sadness (on the left) work together at Riley's emotional control centre, after realizing that both emotions are important and can co-exist.
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