Something I've learned from my grief journey is that grief is incredibly unpredictable, difficult to describe, and deeply impactful. No two journeys are the same, even when there's a shared loss. But there's one thing all grievers have in common, whether you're grieving the death of a person, the ending of a relationship, the loss of a job or career, loss of health, death of a pet, etc.... and that is the need to find ways to cope, heal, and continue living.
In this post, I want to share some coping mechanisms that have helped me navigate the overwhelming emotions that come with grief. They're obviously not one-size-fits-all solutions, but they've brought me comfort and might do the same for you as you walk your own path toward healing.
- Long, hot showers or warm baths. For me, the warmth and gentle pressure of the water create a sanctuary where I can just be with my emotions, letting them wash over me in a safe place.
- Listening to loud music in the car and singing/screaming along. My go-to is Linkin Park, especially songs like "Heavy", "Numb", "In The End", "Breaking the Habit" and "New Divide." The intense lyrics and rhythms make them perfect for releasing pent-up emotions.
- Hitting 100 golf balls. As I drive each ball, I focus on releasing the sadness, anger, and frustration that have built up inside me. It's cathartic, and the physical exhaustion often leads to a good night's sleep.
- Taking my dog for a walk: The excitement on my dog's face every time I say the "W" word already cheers me up, if I'm feeling down. But the physical exercise, and the time alone with my thoughts is often helpful.
- Listening to my grief playlist. Certain songs resonate deeply, helping me connect with and process my emotions in a way that feels both raw and healing.
- Punching pillows. After discovering that punching a wall is not a good idea (0/5 stars, do not recommend), I now reach for a pillow when I need to physically express my anger. It’s a much safer outlet.
- Talking to a friend. When I have someone emotionally available to listen, sharing my thoughts with them can be incredibly comforting. It reminds me that I’m not alone in this.
- Listening to something familiar/calming as I fall asleep. This has been important because I tend to think a lot as I’m falling asleep, and the thinking keeps me from falling asleep and getting a good night’s rest.
- Journalling/Blogging. As an external processor, getting my thoughts out on "paper" or in a blog helps me make sense of them. It’s a form of self-reflection that brings clarity for me.
- Talking to my counsellor. Having a neutral space to unload my thoughts and gain perspective is invaluable. My counsellor helps me navigate the depths of my grief with compassion and understanding.
- Kayaking. I particularly love kayaking as the sun is setting, with music in my ears. I get lost in the rhythm of paddling and my thoughts. Getting exercise while being immersed in nature feels like mindfulness at its core.
- Taking breaks from grief. Allowing myself moments of joy and happiness - whether it’s laughing with friends, playing sports, or just having fun - gives me a temporary reprieve from the intensity of grief. It’s about finding balance between fully feeling my emotions and giving myself a break when I need it.
Do you have coping mechanisms for your big emotions? I'd love to hear about them in the comments.
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