Anxiety Around Death and Dying

Sometimes I really hate having anxiety. It feels really difficult to explain the anxiety that has risen up since the loss of my mom, and repeated losses after. Anxiety feels like a bad thing because it can cause loss of sleep, loss of appetite (or overeating), and it can cause you to think or act in ways you wouldn't have previously.

Anxiety has taken over my emotions in lots of ways since Mom died. I think about death a lot, and thoughts about death creep in in ways that feel very irrational. It's like I've developed a hyper-awareness, constantly anticipating the next emotional blow. Even seemingly harmless things, like hearing a certain song on the radio or someone starting a sentence in a way that could imply bad news can send my mind spiraling. Grief and anxiety together feel overwhelming, making it hard to know if I'm grieving the loss of my mom or fearing future loss. The two seem to blend into each other.

Since anxiety is normally perceived as an only 'bad' emotion, I really like the way the movie Inside Out 2 explains it. *SPOILER ALERT* At first, it's really clear that Anxiety is the protagonist in the movie, and there are several repercussions of the negativity of anxious emotions. But then, at the end, Anxiety explains that she never meant to hurt Riley, she only meant to protect her. This is such a good reminder that every emotion serves a purpose for each of us, and that we need to pay attention to them.

Thinking about anxiety as an emotion that everyone has and that it protects the rest of my emotions really helps me to understand it. I haven't mastered how I can control it yet, but understanding it feels like a good first step.

Do you ever recognize your own anxiety around grief and loss? How did you first recognize it, and what have you done to help yourself?