The picture below of me and my mom has been the lock screen on my phone since the week Mom died. I don’t even remember exactly when I picked it, but I’ve never changed it. I just can’t, and I don't want to.
This picture has been everything to me. When I miss her, I pull out my phone and stare at it like I’m trying to reach through the screen and feel her warmth again. It’s my go-to when I need comfort, like a hug in picture form. But here’s the thing - this picture also wrecks me.
I'll be going about my day and then take a glance at the time on my phone and - boom - tears. It’s like a punch to the gut and a warm embrace all at once. Grief is weird like that.
I’ve thought about changing it a million times. Not because I want to, but because I wonder if it’s holding me back somehow. But I can’t bring myself to do it. That picture has been with me through everything - the worst days of my life and the days where I’ve started to feel okay again.
To anyone else, it’s just a really nice photo of a mom and her kid. To me, it’s a reminder of everything we had that I can still carry with me.
If you’ve got a picture like that, you know what I mean. The way it can make you feel both comforted and shattered all at once. It’s hard, but it’s also beautiful, isn’t it?
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