Want to know another hard part about grieving the loss of a parent? The way it sneaks into your every day language. It forces me to change my words - words I've used my whole life without a second thought. Like when I catch myself saying "I'm going to my parents - I mean, Dad's - house."
Ugh. Gut-wrenching. Heart breaking.
One minute - you're speaking naturally and normally - and the next, BAM - grief smacks you across the face. Because saying "parents" feels right, yet it's not. But it should be, yet it's not. And then correcting myself - UGH - it's even worse than noticing it in the first place. It feels like it's me accepting the reality of the way it is now, and I don't like it. I want "my parents" to be the same unit they've always been. And this is just one more reminder that hurts my heart.
And it's not just one phrase, it's so many of them.
Sometimes I still slip and say "parents"... and I think that's OK. If I need to deny the reality for a moment, or sit with the weight of the words, that's OK too. Language is just another way grief shows up, and it's hard.
So if you’ve been here too - if you’ve found yourself stumbling over words that used to come so naturally - I see you. I feel it too. And it’s okay if it still feels impossible sometimes. Some words may change, but love never does.
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