Dear Mom, I need you

Dear Mom,

I miss you. This has been an exceptionally hard week, and I’ve thought of you so many times. I really wish things were different. I wish you were just a text, phone call, or 25 minute drive away, like you always used to be.

I wish you were here for these hard moments with Charlee. I wish you could tell me you went through them too, and it’ll be okay. I wish you could tell me I’m doing a good job, and that I’m figuring everything out, and that I will be ok.

I wish you could come over here to hold Charlee when I need a break and she doesn’t want to be put down. I wish I could call you in the middle of the night when I’m feeling overwhelmed, like I am right now. I wish you could just be here… your smile, your laugh, your calming presence.

I know that not everyone is blessed with a mother as loving, supportive, and generous as you, but I was, and it makes it that much harder - to know that I had you, and then lost you.

I knew becoming a mom without you would be so hard, but it’s become harder in ways I couldn’t have even imagined.

I hope you can see me. I hope you’re proud of me. 

I need you, Mom, and I miss you so so so much.

Love,

Amanda