A few months ago, one of my friends shared a Tiktok reel with me, and in the video, a woman was sharing an eye-opening conversation she had with her therapist about her grief of her mom. It went something like this:
Therapist: How are you doing?
Woman: *crying* I'm not doing great.
Therapist: Well tell me what you mean by that.
Woman: I'm just sad. I'm just so sad all the time. I don't feel like I can get out of it. I read a quote by C.S. Lewis about grief and it said, "her absence is like the sky over everything" and I relate to that. That's how I feel.
Therapist: Ok. Tell me what your day looks like. Are you doing things?
Woman: Yes, absolutely. I'm keeping my home. I'm cooking. I'm taking care of my babies. I'm proud of what I'm doing, but I feel like sh!t. I don't know how to make it stop hurting.
Therapist: I want you to know something. Your emotions are not the indicator of how you're doing. You're doing great. You're doing amazing. You're doing hard things every day. How you feel is not how you're doing, it's just how you feel, and that's OK. You can be doing great and feeling terrible. Those are two separate things.
This really hit home for me. I am grateful that MK posted this video, and that my friend shared it with me. I have thought these exact thoughts many times the past few months. Sometimes, when I feel terrible, it is all consuming and I am very hard on myself. I am focused on all the feelings I have and lose sight of all that I am doing for me, for my family, and for my healing. Through all the days I've felt terrible, I have maintained my job, my relationship, my home, my extra jobs, and my friendships. Through all the difficult feelings, I am working really hard at healing. I am doing just fine, even on the days where I feel terrible.
The lady finished the video with the same sentiment I want to leave here. Emotions are like clouds in the sky, they will keep coming and going. But in the mean time, you're doing alright. Hang in there!
Note: The video I reference was posted by@marykatherinbackstrom on TikTok.
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