I wrote this letter to my mom to be on display at her final "visitation” on April 1, 2022, and the words remain true to this day.
Dear Mom,
I miss you so, so much.
Mom, I wish I took the time to learn everything there was to know about you. I wish I knew how precious our time was together sooner than I did. I wish I expressed my love and gratitude towards you more often than I did.
Mom, I still have so many questions I wanted to ask you, and so many things I wanted to learn from you. I am trying to wrap my head around life without you, Mom, and I can't. But, I'm taking it day by day, just the way you told me to. Your famous line, "we'll get through this, too," is running through my mind.
With big love comes big grief. I know that I am experiencing the most heartbreaking, gut-wrenching grief because I experienced the truest, most unconditional love there is. I am grieving for myself because I am missing out on so many years and moments that we deserve together, Mom. I am grieving for my future children, as they will never meet the absolute most wonderful woman they would have called Gramma. I'm grieving for you, Mom, because you fought so, so hard for more time with our family, and it just wasn't possible.
Everywhere I look, every thought I think, every emotion I feel... you are there. It brings me pain and sadness, but it also brings me comfort. I take comfort in knowing that although your body may be gone, your love for us is here. The lessons you've taught me, the love you've shown to me, and the memories we have together will stay with me for the rest of my life.
I know that when I experience hard times, I will lean on the strength you always demonstrated. I know that when I make decisions in my future, your wisdom will continue to guide me. I know that when something great happens, I will remember how proud you are of me. I know that when I experience joy, I will experience enough joy for both of us. I know that if I am half the mother you were to Chris and I, then my future children will thrive.
Mom, your smile lit up a room. You set a beautiful example of how we should all embrace life. Your vibrant personality is one so many of us admired. You met every challenge with positivity and strength. You loved fully, you cared deeply, you adventured wildly, and you will live on with us forever.
Mom, thank you for being the best mom ever. I wish so badly that you were here, and I miss you more than words could ever describe.
I love you, more, Mom,
XOXO,
Amanda
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