I need my mom

I've always had a really great relationship with my mom, but the 4 words "I need my mom" never held the significance that they hold now that she's passed away. Hindsight and her absence has taught me how much Mom was my emotional rock, and how deeply I miss everything that she was for me.

Today was one of those days where I can't stop thinking about how badly I need my mom. I miss how everything that mattered to me, mattered to her. I miss how she remembered everything I said, even the insignificant stuff. I miss how she understood the way I thought and felt, even without expressing myself out loud. I miss not being able to share special moments in life. I miss her hugs when life felt heavy. I miss how she encouraged me through challenging thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I miss how she comforted me through sickness and sadness. I miss the feeling of how life felt before she died. I miss how often she told me that I am important, valued, and loved. I need my mom.

I thought that being an adult, doing all the adult things, meant that the feeling of needing my mom would fade. I was so, so, so wrong. I need my mom now more than ever.

I hate that the "I need my mom" moments I've experienced so far are just the beginning of this painful journey. Each one pierces my heart, and knowing that many more are still to come is sometimes too much to bear.

 

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